WHO IS AWEN?
Most of my life I was laying in bed thinking of ways to break out of a prison and yet I was creating it while I was breaking out of it- addicted to the process, to the “healing” – to something outside of me.
I excluded people sometimes out of fear of being infiltrated, fear of being hurt. What a game of hide and seek, when only trusting our intuition will tell us who to connect with and when. But when our lens is covered with false identities, fear arises. This is a post about the walls I created within myself and in separation to others, and where I stand now.
I used to identify with being an advanced spiritual being. It seemed to most I had a perfect life, traveling the world “awakening” CEOs and celebrities. In truth, despite this small facet of my life, there is more to share. I manifested beings who also identified with being “advanced.” I spent months feeling victimized after vulnerable interactions with them until I realized that we co-created each other to awaken in greater ways. It was the perfect ending to the belief I wasn’t good enough. A wise coach said to me a few months ago to stop taking responsibility for others’ behavior. This served me to release blame shame and guilt from an earlier experience.
Some concepts serve us. Some concepts serve us, for a time. Through a deep journey in the past several days I was guided to take full responsibility for everything in my life. Through this, I have experienced a death of an identity, and with it, a new name.
Some of you know of my “story” and I will touch on it for a moment. Born a healthy and intuitive child, by the time I was four I was already feeling depressed, blocking emotions and pleasure from my life. As a child I closed my heart off early to my parents and everyone, including myself, and forgot what it felt like to even feel love for most my life. I stopped standing up for myself and others for the most part. By the time I was in college, I had developed handfuls of “psychiatric conditions” and was put on a plethora of uppers and downers which only worsened my condition.
After prescribing me yet another drug, and telling me there were no side effects after I asked, I researched that there were in fact, deadly possible effects. When I asked the psychiatrist about this, concerned after previous horrible side effects, he yelled at me and literally said, “Daniel, do you have an MD after your name? You have OCD, just take the pills.”
I felt exploited that day yet it was a perfect day, looking back, as I took back the last power I gave to this fading system, and decided to go on a journey around the world living with shamans and spiritual teachers to heal. So thank you, Dr. for saving my life, for if you didn’t play this role, I would be dead.
Diving deep into the “spiritual” community, I was like a puppy wanting to try it all, except the consciousness of a puppy is that of unconditional love. Though deep inside my heart was pure, countless distortions and paradigms blocked me from accepting and loving the people I came into contact with, which reflected the multiple personalities and complexes I identified with, at the time.
Although glimpses of my heart came out here and there, I expressed identities that could be labeled as passive, apathetic, judgmental, narcissistic, resentful, shameful, lazy, distorted, and attached to “spiritual” identities that have nothing to do with Love, including complexes such as the “savior” to try and give my life and identity meaning. When we release the need to “help” the projection of the “other” we can truly reconnect with ourselves and the fountain of source flows naturally to all “other” versions of us.
I used to put up countless walls in part because some spiritual teachers and friends, from good intention, taught me that I needed to.
I no longer choose to micromanage my reality through the mind. In my recent experience, more and more synchronicities manifest, and less and less unfavorable incidents occur due to our choices and creation when we listen and act on intuition rather than try to protect ourselves and put energy into walls, through fear. As we remember that we co-create everything, those that do not align with the choices we make about ourselves, such as radical transparency and unity consciousness, fade from our reality, unless they serve a lesson that is needed to flow us forward into greater rivers of our destiny. The actions we are guided to take through love are the protection, not separation created from the mind. Trust is the greatest tool of reality creation for when we co-create in unity, much greater magic happens from Source, outside of the limits of individuated identity.
For me, walls were a reflection of my lack of inner standing and trust in the basic principles of creation and I thank them and all walls for these lessons which we created. They reflect also, the triggers and resistance to reflections of parts of myself I did not want to see in others.
Creating boundaries from the mind are tricky when we place any “spiritual” concept or agenda above intuition and compassion. I take responsibility for getting tricked by concepts and apologize to all for any blindness of the past.
There are some that seem to live in a sleeping state on this planet at this time, relative to the perception of our own awareness. And perhaps we have these sleeping children in us, no matter what “advanced” knowledge of esoteric info we “know” on a mental level.
It is not what “knowledge” we “have” but the wisdom of how we act, through love, the True power, that determines our position in the infinite multiverse. Only by taking responsibility for everything can we end the “endless” quagmire of drama that WE created, in the past. I am thankful for the consciousness that reminded me of this. Her name is Unity.
Isn’t every reflection of us both the offspring and the co-creator of our experience? And aren’t we able to see the perfection of each moment while still not condoning behavior that is abusive and hurtful? Can we stand up and shine the light without attacking those that we expected to be more “awake” than they currently can be? Yes, for our vision no longer is that of a microscope, spending most of our childhood looking at a text book memorizing the name of endless wars, switching to a phone, trying to connect with someone besides ourselves that fill the illusion that we are missing something within.
We are eagles, that can fly to any dimension outside of time. We are dragons, our power knows no bounds, for our power is Love. We are peacocks, phoenixes that transmute the illusion of poison into awakening.
We are not an identity. The world will never know peace until we transcend forgiveness and realize there is nothing to forgive. This does not bypass our true feelings. It loves them so much as to collapse the concepts and addiction to mental processing that we have pulled from the past and projected onto the future so that we can truly live in peace and harmony.
Who is the I? The true Self? I had forgotten, feeling so distorted and repressing various parts of me. I relied on privilege, leverage, and the codes of many others without truly seeing the big picture and having honor and gratitude for the beautiful family around us and the ancestors that brought us here. How could I honor anyone when I did not honor myself, a twisted identity I was tricked into believing? I was obsessed with trying to solve the thousands of “problems” I had and trying to go back to decipher trauma in my childhood that only generated more “trauma.” Through this New Age rat race I was blind to much of the subtleties of relating with others, so focused and so in pain that I was self-centered beyond what I wanted to see.
Until I remembered, that every word creates reality and I was creating the problem as I was “solving it.” This is how genesis works. The truth is there is nothing to solve, is there?
Quantum physics proves that we shift and create simply by our awareness. This means we do not have to repress anything or deny it, yet instead of CONFRONTING it, we look through it and into what we truly are creating.
How did Merlin defeat the “dark” character in the story? He instructed the people to simply turn around, and forget her. Sometimes forgetting serves, just like an eraser on a pencil. Can we forget our stories, and the tools that serves us in the past, even the ones that “saved” our lives, that now no longer serve? To make it through, yes, it is time to do just that.
Breathe in trust.
We are now experiencing, after great reveals, greater levels of forgiveness for all. We remember that our ancestors have been enslaved and beaten for thousands of years and those that have not transmuted this old story are under the trauma that live through them in the parts of them that they hide due to fear or shame. Can we forgive ourselves and others for not “fully” being awake to our needs and to the basic principles of love? When we remember that we’ve been raised in a culture out of balance with nature, a deeper compassion is presented for all. We were taught to mow our fruitless lawns into squares instead of listening to the spirits of nature. As we return to our wild selves, in harmony with nature, the easier compassion becomes.
Some in the “spiritual community” believe they are an individuated god, and asking for support from any spirit or being outside themselves is codependent and giving power away. I believe the only true power is Love, and when we open to the various intelligences of nature, they only support us in becoming more sovereign and powerful due to expansion into unity consciousness – true community. I am just beginning myself, to reconnect with nature and it’s the most beautiful experience of my entire life.
We are experiencing collective forgiveness without blame or shame AND take responsibility for our creation at the same time. We signed up to break out of this to STRENGTHEN our ever-growing love. And when we realize there is nothing to forgive, for we were all sleeping children in some ways, new realms of magic emerge in our lives.
The warrior spirit returns, in us all. The divine warrior does not confront, does not try to fix a problem or identify with a “success”. He is the man, she is the woman, that paints the legend of prophecy without thinking or worrying about a “problem” or a “threat” but sings through it, knowing that whatever happens next does not need to be thought of in the mind, for intuition guides and we are eternal. We rise, once more!
What I say above I do not believe is “right.” I am simply a man speaking my heart. Integrate only what resonates.
My past identity was called Daniel. With gratitude he is shed. I keep my grandfather’s name, Raphael a humble man, a noble man, from the lineage of my ancestors who fought on the edge to get me here.
And from Spirit, I am given a new name, of the Druids. The word means the divine flow of inspiration that moves through all things. For I am not an identity,
I am Awen. (Ah-oo-wen).
May we relate in a good way, in all ways, for we are one.
To all my relations ~